mind

For someone who is fascinated by the many possibilities of travel, I haven’t done a lot of it in the physical world. However, in the realms of my mind is a route that takes me way deeper into my soul than any road ever will. It’s a trip unlike any other and one that brings forth flashes of the good and the bad. It’s the trip we’ve all been to, and continue to take every other day… The trip down memory lane!

It’s a lane that builds itself over time – it only needs you to live, and takes no dime. It resides within the confines of your mind and yet, goes way beyond a thousand miles. Getting there is no mean feat. Overstay your welcome, and you are dead meat – lifeless enough to miss the little things that come your way. Depriving you of all focus, and leading you astray.

At a time when living in the present is considered a necessity, this is a privilege many learn to do without.

“Why dwell on the past when I can live now?”

The memory lane is no flashy street -certainly not all the way.

Decrepit lamps and shoddy streets at one moment, and the likeness to a lively city on the other, makes this a location of contrasts. Damaged frames, shattered vases and broken hearts lie disheveled. While pictures of happier times, letters of appreciation and the laughs on repeat at an audio store – all make for a pleasant stroll while reminding me of my roots and the impermanence of things, tangible and intangible alike.

The walk is long and tires me after a while. The heart still beats sans any panic; but my emotions are on overkill – never a great signal. I decide it’s time for a breather, and sit down by the edge of the street, hoping to let my emotions settle. I ask them to sit right by me, requesting them to not go away. They take deep breaths and collect themselves, feeling sorry for all of life because it brought along shades of grey.

They join me in a while as I continue my journey – stronger this time, unaffected by the crests and troughs. The memory lane scares me lesser this time, as I build a resistance for everything that didn’t work, for occurrences that surpassed no expectation and toward an ego that refused to let me be.

I trudge from one end to the other, looking fondly at everything I once possessed – wishing I could hold it all once again. But such are the ways of the world they say, that nothing lasts forever.

I decide to let go and keep walking; hoping to find memories my mind may have lost. But I only get back to where I started from. Thinking I may have lost my way, I look around for a way ahead. “Memory lanes don’t come with maps”, they say. “They rebuild themselves from time to time.”

Unkempt and weary, I come back to the moment; looking forward to another free roam.

Memory lanes keep the present at bay, so you wonder if there’s another way to reminisce it all – only to realise that you have no other choice. So you hold on tight to your ropes, swinging past memory after memory and soaking it all in differently each time.

Aptitude (noun) – a natural ability to do something

Aptitude Test – a test designed to determine a person’s ability in a particular skill or field of knowledge.

Gut (noun) – *informal* used in reference to a feeling or reaction based on an instinctive emotional response rather than considered thought.

Be it as students or as professionals, we’re subjected to a number of aptitude tests throughout our lives (or at least as long as we work for someone/intend to do so).

In simple words, an aptitude test tells you if you are eligible for/capable of pursuing a career in any particular field.

I’ve had my trysts with a few, and the first one was particularly testing. There were two reasons for this:

I didn’t agree with the result.
I couldn’t get myself to agree with the result.

Or you could say, I just didn’t want to. I had other plans you know.. Or I thought I did.

(Just to give you a quick background, it happened one fine day in school during my SSC and lasted 8 painful hours)

A week or so after the test, it was judgment day. It was my turn to meet the counselor.

Here’s how it all unfolded, and more..

During my counseling session –

You Are An IT Guy, They Said:

Would you believe that? A future Production Engineer was told he was meant to be an IT guy. Say that to me now, and it’s like hurling an abuse at me.

My first reaction: “No, thanks.”

“Trust me, you’re a software engineer.”

You ARE AN IT GUY, They Said:
They must have said that about 10 times, following which, I nodded my head so that I could walk out ASAP. I can recall how I was told that being good at Math meant I would make an excellent programmer. It took me a while to let the whole episode sink in.

After the session –

Convincing Myself:

Some disbelief and brainwashing later, I managed to convince myself that I was meant to spend my life coding. Consequently, I chose Computer Science in junior college and the rest is history.

Trust me, it really is. Everything I stuffed into my brain back then is history.

In Junior College –

They Laughed At Me:

Visual Basic, followed by C++ and those endless microprocessor codes – I could hear them all laugh at me hysterically for every attempt I made towards answering any questions.

PS – Even getting a part of those things right was a challenge in itself.

Misunderstandings:

I vividly remember an episode wherein my professor declared that I was a great listener and therefore, a great student. Little did she know that my silence in class was testimony to the fact that much of the CS lingo was Hebrew to me.

Pretension Aplenty:

Those were the days when most of us were heavy on pretension. Sure, we knew nothing. But we were vocational science students, the so-called elites. Needless to say, we were exuding swag at all times.

Comedy Classes:

We were lucky enough to also have a tutor in one of our college professors. He did his best to turn us into coders, but he always knew most of us were just hopeless. He was kind enough to never mention that to us directly though.

More than the CS, it was his sense of humour that kept us hooked. I can recall all of the laughter and none of the CS.

After Junior College –

My gut always said I needed to do something else. So I tried my hand at Engineering. Went along pretty well – but then, I stumbled upon something that influenced me unlike anything ever had.