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Letting Go

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This has been a raging debate in my mind for some time now. 

What am I really supposed to be okay with and make peace with? What’s the ultimate formula for a peaceful existence? Is it learning to be okay with uncertainty? Or is chasing absolute certainty with regard to every outcome in life fully justified?

I think chasing absolute certainty can often be a lost cause, because that simply isn’t how life works. Yes, you get what you put out into the world more often than not. But sometimes, life can have other plans. I know it is fairly commonplace for a lot of things in people’s lives to not pan out exactly as they had imagined them to. And as unfair as that may feel sometimes, the key might just be to be okay with that—maybe not immediately, but eventually. 

Learning to embrace or simply live with uncertainty can often be nightmare fuel for the anxious mind. The infinite number of ‘what-if’ scenarios that can come to mind is almost akin to witnessing a multiverse of sadness. It is easy to imagine everything that could possibly go wrong, because most minds are trained to think in that direction.

But maybe there is another approach to making peace with a certain degree of uncertainty. 

Maybe that is to just embrace inevitability. 

Maybe the key is to accept that the way things happen is fairly uncertain in life. To me, just having an inner sense of knowing that everything will work out is what constitutes embracing the inevitable. That sense of knowing, that gut feeling, is ultimately what leads to flow—positive action without unhealthy attachment or expectation. It is where one begins to find that every layer of unfolding, be it ‘good’ or ‘bad’ in the moment, is contributing to one’s highest good in a way one can only possibly see several days, weeks, months, or even years later.

An aversion to accepting a certain degree of uncertainty or embracing inevitability often comes from a sense of urgency driven by fear. Urgency isn’t usually driven by intent. True positive intent values consistency of action, not the immediacy of the desired outcome. 

Maybe it’s all coming together. And maybe not in the way you’ve always imagined or the way anyone else has imagined. And that is okay. Being overly invested in the “how” is a recipe for lifelong disappointment. Much of the universe is beyond our wildest imaginations, and so are most of our lives, and that is exactly what makes the journey as exhilarating as it can be.

Mind-Trip

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For someone who is fascinated by the many possibilities of travel, I haven’t done a lot of it in the physical world. However, in the realms of my mind is a route that takes me way deeper into my soul than any road ever will. It’s a trip unlike any other and one that brings forth flashes of the good and the bad. It’s the trip we’ve all been to, and continue to take every other day… The trip down memory lane!

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It’s a lane that builds itself over time – it only needs you to live, and takes no dime. It resides within the confines of your mind and yet, goes way beyond a thousand miles. Getting there is no mean feat. Overstay your welcome, and you are dead meat – lifeless enough to miss the little things that come your way. Depriving you of all focus, and leading you astray.

At a time when living in the present is considered a necessity, this is a privilege many learn to do without.

“Why dwell on the past when I can live now?”

The memory lane is no flashy street -certainly not all the way.

Decrepit lamps and shoddy streets at one moment, and the likeness to a lively city on the other, makes this a location of contrasts. Damaged frames, shattered vases and broken hearts lie disheveled. While pictures of happier times, letters of appreciation and the laughs on repeat at an audio store – all make for a pleasant stroll while reminding me of my roots and the impermanence of things, tangible and intangible alike.

The walk is long and tires me after a while. The heart still beats sans any panic; but my emotions are on overkill – never a great signal. I decide it’s time for a breather, and sit down by the edge of the street, hoping to let my emotions settle. I ask them to sit right by me, requesting them to not go away. They take deep breaths and collect themselves, feeling sorry for all of life because it brought along shades of grey.

They join me in a while as I continue my journey – stronger this time, unaffected by the crests and troughs. The memory lane scares me lesser this time, as I build a resistance for everything that didn’t work, for occurrences that surpassed no expectation and toward an ego that refused to let me be.

I trudge from one end to the other, looking fondly at everything I once possessed – wishing I could hold it all once again. But such are the ways of the world they say, that nothing lasts forever.

I decide to let go and keep walking; hoping to find memories my mind may have lost. But I only get back to where I started from. Thinking I may have lost my way, I look around for a way ahead. “Memory lanes don’t come with maps”, they say. “They rebuild themselves from time to time.”

Unkempt and weary, I come back to the moment; looking forward to another free roam.

Memory lanes keep the present at bay, so you wonder if there’s another way to reminisce it all – only to realise that you have no other choice. So you hold on tight to your ropes, swinging past memory after memory and soaking it all in differently each time.